Solo

Ooops I kind of missed V-day in that I was solo and happy for once about it. This time it came as sort of a relief considering that I have a red-heart, hand-holding, eye-gazing allergy. I am simply not a fan of dramatic emotions and gifts I don’t especially like but are expected to gush over while worrying about how i am going to avoid using/wearing/keeping them. Exclaiming "you shouldn't have" while wondering will it break, perhaps I can say it was stolen, or maybe lost.

There is also the fact that I am a creature of comfort and I don’t like getting dressed up and all the fuss of being into it. I don’t like maintaining conversations and listening. I don’t like sharing my bed, bedroom, or bathroom. I would rather sit in a café and fall into a good book. I want to go when I feel like, and leave when I want, and not have to think of calling or explaining. I don’t like demands, expectations, compromising and that is invariably what relationships are about. I would rather write. I would rather explore. I would rather google. Relationships are great but I have to have lots of room. I like to feel air. I like quiet. Yet being in one can be interesting at times because I have learned tons about myself I don’t think I would have learned otherwise…its just…I kind of like being solo. I wonder if this is selfish or wrong. I mean why can’t I be like everyone else and want the same things? Not that being unusual is wrong, but maybe isn’t it?

Rendez Vous

I tell my friend lets hang out Friday and get a massage at the place in the East Village we always go to. It has several separate message rooms with low walls that finish a about a foot or 2 from the ceiling to provide ventilation. I like these rooms because i can have the seclusion I need but still know my friend is close by sharing the same experiences.

Anyway...she says she thinks she has plans and will let me know. On Friday, she gets back to me about Friday, not that we haven't spoken Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. We have. she asks if we are going out but i have already envisioned taking the express train which only runs early and is refreshingly empty as compared to the other trains and taking a warm shower, eating and retiring to bed early with the book I am defiantly reading. (defiantly because I am not really enjoying it but continuing to read because it has earned recognition so I feel if I wander down the entire path and see it to the end I may better understand and consequently better appreciate it. Not that I don't comprehend the story, I do, but perhaps I will better understand it's finer points. The points that the author intends for his reader to realize and enjoy.

Anyway, as my friend was taking her time to make plans I had already made plans with myself. As strange as this may sound, it happens to be the truth. More so, when i make plans I usually look forward to them, whether they be with man, a woman, or myself, and as I look forward to my future plans, I have of course no desire to change them. There is also the idea of why I might want to cancel plans with myself to be with someone who didn't get back to me until she was certain she didn't have better plans. Right? Besides, if truth be told, even though she is a great person, a neat friend, and plenty of fun to have around, I tend to enjoy my own company more after having worked an entire week with people and having my space encroached upon for such periods of time, thought this too, I cannot tell her.