St. Barth Tomorrow

My ex tenant has moved out and has left me wood bar stools, a desk, an antique kitchen scale, some more furniture, candles, and a fat cat named Meow who and which I will see for the first time tomorrow.

My brand new taupe bags are not yet packed because I ordered them late and are expected to arrive after I leave which is of course not beneficial to me. My cousin has lent me his suitcase but which i have thus far refused to pack as I optimistically hold out hope that my luggage will arrive today. Speaking of which, I can't help but feel as if he is harboring some jealously or animosity connected to my leaving.

My lengthy shopping for my mother who is in St. Barth is completed.

The house has been cleaned, the garden trimmed, and the lawn mowed.

Everything I plan to bring is stored together awaiting with an expectant air for their future bag.

Yet I have this anxiety that I am missing something which will come to me only once I am on the plane or perhaps, I am just anxious, anxious about seeing my house again, or the trip, or leaving all my plants in my father's care.

Yesterday, I was so anxious, I had to remind myself I could stay if I wanted to. Which I really can't, I suppose, as I will need to work on my house. But I mean, it's strange to be so anxious without a definite reason and since I was not quite sure what I was anxious about, it was difficult to reason with myself.

A Piece of Land - Part II

I was in the bathtub with a red candle flickering by my foot somewhere in the mist. The phone ringing somewhere behind the door. It's my mother. The bull dowzers have returned to my grandmothers property, they have knocked down a stone wall and are now shoveling so close to her little house it has become a health hazard. The family have once again called the lawyers who had initally instructed the family to stand down and not block the bulldowzers, so that they could prove the apposing party at fault , however, now, seeing how how much they have shoveled the lawyers apparently believe we have enough proof and have encouraged my family to take their own bulldowzer to block the entrance. It seems most of the bulldowzers on the island are reserved for construction or there owners are on vacation. My family plans to use their cars until a bulldowzer attained.

I have no heard news back since yesterday.

I have prayed a rosary. Is this how it's said? It feels like I am a very tiny thing knocking on a very large imposing door asking for help and not sure anyone can hear me.