And this was my heart

My friend calls me at work to tell me that she is paying for her boyfriends ticket from Italy.

Oh.....why?

Because he is a pre-med student and we are in love and he is the only one i will ever be in love with and, and, and.

ok. (i can tell by her tone of voice she has already decided. She isn't asking)

Then later, much later.....she calls and says she is paying for everything, taxis, restaurants, drinks, broadway shows. And he is spending a lot. (other people money is always easier to spend) And i have to lend him my suitcase because he doesn't have room for all the stuff he purchased. And i have to bring that suitcase from Manhattan to JFK for him as he is currently in Miami with his friends.

hmmmm.....

and he bought all these presents for his friends in Italy, his friends girlfriends, his family, and clothes for himself. Expensive clothes for himself. And he went to Tiffanys to get me a present but he realized he didn't have enough for anything.

(So he got her nothing. Not a thing, not a flower, not a flower pedal, not even a fake flower.)

What did he get you from Italy?

Nothing.

hmmmm.....

But he tells me he loves me. Amora, Amora, Amora.....

ok. uh, M....he's using you.

No. No. No. You don't understand. I can tell he loves me.

Finally she breaks down and she calls him.

He loves her.

Its settled.

Happily ever after.

Maybe not.

But Perhaps relationship exist to make us struggle so that we can learn to be humble, making us a little less hard, a little more sensitive with others . Perhaps its not all about getting married, but an experience to improve ourselves, provide us with depth. A journey in which we both suffer hardship, enjoy tenderness and acquire wisdom. I think my friend hit a bump.

friend or foe

So this friend, who is not much of a friend, who i sort of got into an argument with during the mini-NY blackout yesterday, ims me as usual. She tells me all of her problems and her solutions and her happiness and i realize suddenly that I don't really care. It's like a cord that has been cut that once linked her to me that seems to be irrevocably beyond repair. This is not about the argument, this is about what she talks about, her attitude, and her ever consuming self absorption. I am not only bored but I am annoyed by her childishly whining ims, overly emotional conversations. I feel bombarded and overwhelmed, almost suffocated. Her personalty now seems brittle, hollow and slightly obnoxious. I now can't help but see her like a void, being nothing, but sucking everything in, and namely my energy and time.

She contacts me this morning. I send her a few well meaning ims in response, but really I know I am just trying to be polite. In a way, I suppose i was a little elated after are argument. I never really thought about how I was enjoying our friendship less, it seems my discontent has grown like an internal symtomless disease only to show its dreadful face upon this situation.

I have just recently stopped stopped making lunch plans with her, not realizing that i no longer enjoyed her company, but just thinking i needed some time to myself. I suppose it won't be much longer. Au revoir.