Monday, February 07, 2005

You are sitting at the end of your bed and the window is darkening with the approach of night. I slipped this note underneath the caraf near the bed knowing of course you would notice it before you laid down.

I have left.

I am not at seminar in another state as I told you.

I am still in America, but there is no seminar.

Tommorow I will take a plane and cross the sea and I wish I could tell you I won't look back, but i know that I will.

Somethings are inevitable.

I knew it was inevitable that I leave when we were together last month after having come back from the party and you threw me in our bed. I knew I was leaving when you closed your eyes just when you were about to come like a weary travel on a summit he has climbed once to often. I knew I had to go when you exhaled and I felt the cold breeze cross me like a storm on a warm day.

I am at a hotel. It doesn't matter where.

The staff here are very obliging and go out of there way to help me. I sometimes wonder if they can still feel the cold breeze upon me and are trying to warm me. Today they purchased for me the large paper i asked for with blue purple paint.

I painted myself with it and i lied down on this paper and created what i once was.

Here I am in my fetal position by long hair curled beneath my neck, only a few fingers and my , side of face, torso, but, left leg and foot.
Next I am splayed out, this is the position I was in when I decided I would go. My hair is spread out like an octopus or a messy star.
Next i am on my knees my torso is bent so that all that is printed is my lower leg, knees, my joined hands, forhead and a swirl of hair on either side of the imprint of my forhead. This is when you went to sleep on the couch, you never saw this position or the rest.

This is why i am sending them to you.

I need to purge.

You need to know.

Tommorow I fly at 6:00AM.

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