Tuesday, September 04, 2007

4:30 a.m

I awoke at 4:30 a.m.

I believe it was the empty feeling of un-fulfilment that pulled me out of my slumber.

I think 4:30 a.m. is not a good time to wake up when I had planned to be up by 7:15 a.m. And I tell this to myself as I shut my eyes attempting to return to my nocturnal activity.

I was not enjoying my dream. I was calculating figures and thinking about my bank account. I squish my eyes shut trying to force them backwards into REM. I feel anxiety seep through my sheets engulfing me as I turn over to ignore it. I reach for another pillow holding it close to protect me and and while trying to squelch these overflowing thoughts I try reasoning with them: "I am in bed, i am trying to sleep, its very late for all this, I have to wake up soon, very early," but inexorably they push on.

I am just too small to stop them. If only we could have a magical spray to spray them away.


  1. I sympathize--my head loves to balance my checkbook as I sleep, and then wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me all about it. Did you have a great time with your mom? (Although,. I may answer my own question with further reading...)

  2. Yea....My mom is one of those hip moms. We have the same taste and hobbies so we always have fun.

    We built and designed my little house in st.barth together and all though the process was maddeningly frustrating it was also extremely challenging and rewarding.

    I really encourage everyone to find a goal/project and work towards it. There's something thrilling about achievement which can only be optained by using physical / mental effort....much like Frodo's journey in "Lord of the Rings".



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